Sad Smiles and Trained Liars
by TheDreamGarden
Summary: If he goes over to their table he could jeopardize everything. Tony's on a date with Jeanne when he realizes just how much he's missing out on.


**Disclaimer: I do not own any part of NCIS**

**A/N: This is in Tony's POV. I consider it Tiva even though it may appear to be mainly Tony. Hope you enjoy!**

Sad Smiles and Trained Liars

If I was being honest with myself I probably wouldn't be here right now, but I'm not being honest. I haven't been an honest man in a while. It's all a lie…that's what I've been telling myself. I try not to think about everyone I've been hurting with my lies. The people I care about the most have no clue what's really going on and the woman sitting next to me thinks we're supposed to be in love, hell maybe we are. It's all part of the job right? The job. You dedicate practically your whole life for something. It should make you happy; make your life have meaning. So why do I feel like a piece of shit walking around in an expensive suit sipping a glass of overpriced cheap tasting wine? It's all part of the job.

When I got the call this afternoon from Jeanne saying we were going out tonight, I didn't really feel like it. Ziva had been acting strange all day. She could hardly look at me, I couldn't blame her. After I hung up the phone was the first time she'd made eye contact with me. It was only for a second but I could see the disappointment. I expected her to be angry, but there seemed to be none of that. Her eyes, her beautiful big brown eyes that just seemed to be calling me, were filled with quite possibly…sadness? Concern? Hurt? Probably all of the above.

The restaurant wasn't very busy, yet somehow it felt like the walls were closing in on me. I asked what the special occasion was. Jeanne just turned to me in her ridiculously pink dress, laughed and said, "There's no special occasion. Just felt like a nice dinner out with my boyfriend." I don't know why she was laughing, but I had to laugh at how screwed I was going to be when this mission was all over.

We were about halfway through our dinner when a group of people walked into the restaurant. I felt like I was about to vomit and my hands became sweaty. My "girlfriend" noticed my sudden change in discomfort and put her hand on mine. "Tony, are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Oops, there goes another lie. What the hell were they even doing here? They, meaning my team mates, my friends. The Boss, the Probie, the caffeine happy Goth, the Doctor, lord even the doctor's assistant aka the autopsy gremlin, and finally my partner, my ninja, dare I say…my everything. Their all dressed up, even Gibbs. But all I can focus on is her. She looks absolutely gorgeous in her black plunging V-neck cocktail dress. I haven't seen her this dressed up since we pretended to be husband and wife, Jean-Paul and Sophie. Except on the inside we were still Tony and Ziva. Just like DiNardo on the outside is really still DiNozzo on the inside. I realize it's just a matter of time before the two meet.

I can hear Jeanne clearing her throat for the fifth time beside me. I'm staring at the smiling woman with the frowning eyes at the table a couple rows in front of us. It's those same eyes I've seen all day from her. I wonder if they've all seen me. When her smile turns to a frown and her eyes become glassy I know she's noticed me. There's no doubt in my mind that the man I've always looked up to, with the stony expression knows I'm here too. With his gut he probably knew the second he walked through the door. From what I can tell Ziva's expression only seems to falter a few moments before resuming her fake smile. I look down at my plate and then at Jeanne giving her a tight smile, playing off the fact that I've been staring at the table with the laughing happy people and the beautiful woman whose black attire probably matches the way she's feeling right about now.

I'm not even listening to what Jeanne is talking about. Likely something about a patient at work. When our dessert comes, the dessert I won't eat because I lost my appetite a while ago, I notice Abby getting up from the table and walking over to their waiter. After she whispers something in his ear she makes her way back to her seat, on the left of Ziva. It's like I can't tear my eyes away from the scene even though I feel like I could tear my eyes right out of their sockets. The cake is chocolate. Her favorite. It looks homemade, probably Abby made it. By the time all of the candles are lit everyone in the restaurant appears to be focused on their table.

I'm relieved by that fact after I feel the moisture from my eye slide down my cheek and onto my untouched apple pie. Her face is priceless and it's probably the first real smile she's flashed all evening. I can't believe I forgot her birthday. I can't believe instead of being there singing "Happy Birthday" to her, I'm on the worst date of my life with my fake girlfriend who's only supposed to be just a "mission" to me.

I'm shaking like the flames of the candles on Ziva's birthday cake. She closes her eyes and makes a wish, I copy the motion. I open my eyes when I hear people clapping. A gasp escapes my mouth when I notice the birthday girl is staring right at me. A sad smile on her face though her eyes are almost saying, _"it's ok." _That only seems to upset me more and I just want to scream, "_No it's not ok that I wasn't there for you. That I'm never there for you anymore!"_ But I don't, because I'm on a mission, and failing her, disappointing her, and hurting her, seem to be all part of the job these days…and everyday as I look at her sitting across from me with that same smile, I wish it wasn't.

**Thanks for reading. Reviews are always welcome.**


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